Category: Joke Board
allright. so this blind guy walks in to Seers with his guide dog and he walks over to the men's section and picks up his dog by the tail and starts swinging hem over his head. An employee comes up to hem and says, "Excuse me sir but... what are you doing?" and the guy says, "Oh. Nothing. I'm just looking around." haha
There was an airplane on the ground. The passengers were getting more and more angry. They'd been waiting for an hour. The flight attendent got on the PA and announced the pilot and co-pilot were on their way and should be on board momentarilly. The passengers looked down the gangway to see two gentlemen in uniform heading toward the plane. One had a cane, and the other had a dog guide. They strode onto the plane and went into the cockpit. The passengers mumbled amongst themselvs in disbelief. Suddenly, the plane began to taxi down the runway. The plane was going faster and faster. Tthe passengers noticed a lake at the end of the runway. As the plane sped toward the lake, they screamed. Just as the pasengers thought their lives would end, the plane took off. The pilot turned to the co-pilot and said: "You know, if the passengers ever don't scream, we're gonna be in a lot of trouble."
The following joke is taken from J Squared's page www.bestmidi.com. To read more click on the blind jokes archive.
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, Sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty pile and picks up a greasy fork. he returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli." Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen.
He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey, I didn't know that Mary worked here?"
A blind man is getting ready to cross the street with his guide dog and he's listening to the chaotic sounds of the traffic, waiting for it to stop, when all of a sudden, his dog leads him out into oncoming traffic! Cars start swerving, horns start honking, a disaster seems as if it's about to ensue. Luckily, the blind man and his dog make it safely across the street. The blind man pulls a doggy biscuit out of his pocket and feeds it to his guide dog. A sighted woman who had been watching this whole scene unfold runs over to the blind man and screams, "You idiot! What are you doing?! Your dog could've killed you! How could you give him a treat after something like that?" The blind man replies, "I had to find his mouth first before I could kick his ass!"
(I don't know if this would qualify as a blind joke, but it's the best I have.)
You call your boss and tell him your ill one morning and can't make it to work that day. He asks what's wrong and you tell him you have anal glaucoma. When he wonders what that particular ailment is, you say, "can't see my ass coming in to work today."
What do you get when you cross a menopausal woman with a blind woman? Danger
a blind man walks into a bar and sits down. He strikes up a conversation and then turns to one of the women there, saying, "hay, wana hear a blond joke?" The room goes deadly silent. The woman turns to him and said, mister, I happen to be blond, the bar tender is a 6-foot weight-lifting woman who is also a blond, and there is another blond on your other side. Now, think about it, do you really want to tell that joke? The man thinks it over for a moment and replies, "no, not if I'm going to have to explain it 3 times!